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Fear Is Not Your Enemy, Girl: Using Fear as an Ally for Growth and Change

I think that as we age and evolve, we forget that fear is actually a natural emotion that’s essential to our survival and growth. First of all, fear is part of our ego. It’s what makes us human. Our ego’s sole purpose is to protect, and it uses fear to give us flashing warning signs in life when it perceives any threat or risk approaching. So, yes, fear can be a powerful ally in our spiritual journey because it can help us to be aware of potential danger and to take action when needed to keep ourselves safe. It can also be a teacher, guiding us toward a greater understanding of ourselves, our environment, and our place in the world.


When we learn to work WITH fear instead of against it, we can use it to help us become more mindful and present. I know you’re asking, “so what does fear have to do with being more mindful and present?” For one, we can move beyond our limiting beliefs by questioning the fear, and its root cause, and identifying if the fear is truly ours or if it’s a projection from somebody else. All of this can give insights and clarity into our own behaviors and motivations and puts the control back in our hands to improve the things about ourselves that we want to be better.


We can use fear to expand our capacity for understanding and self-compassion and to access deeper levels of spiritual growth instead of allowing it to seize us and lock us into a station in life that’s not conducive to growth, achievement, and authentically being who we really want to be. A lot of times, I hear people (really me, I’m ‘people’) criticizing themselves for being afraid or not being strong enough to move past certain things in their lives when really all they need to do is give themselves some grace, be real with themselves, and let the fear be present so that it can move through them instead of fear piling up and manifesting as stress… and we all know what happens in the body when we hold too much stress.


Fear can also be a source of healing, too. When we learn to understand it, give it a voice, and harness its power, we can use it to heal ourselves and those around us by being an example of how to deal with unhealthy fear and attain a higher level of wellness. Many times, the feeling of fear is overwhelming and intense, but by embracing the intensity of our fear, we can transmute it into something positive. If you look at it from another perspective, fear is what gives birth to strength, courage, resilience, and empowerment. Sometimes, just by doing it afraid, we learn to use fear to access our inner strength and courage, and to access deeper levels of healing and spiritual growth.


Also, fear can be a powerful ally in our journey by helping us to become more connected to our inner wisdom and divine guidance. When we’re fearful, it can be an opportunity for us to tap into and trust Source, Higher Self, or some energy that’s greater than ourselves for the answers we need to make the right moves. Let’s stop vilifying fear, feel it, sit with it, stop looking at it as ‘the Opps’, and start using it as an ally to help us and improve our lives.


Since we live in a world of duality, I have to give you the flip side of fear too. Fear can cause us to be too rigid in our beliefs and make us unwilling to explore new ideas. Fear can lead us to rely on old habits and patterns that no longer serve us, instead of challenging ourselves to create positive change. Fear can make us feel stuck in our spiritual transformation, preventing us from taking risks and embracing growth.


Although fear can keep you stuck (if unchecked), it is a powerful motivator that can light a fire under your ass so that you take action and confront difficult situations. It can easily be a catalyst for personal growth and transformation by pushing you to get a hold of your fear and to stop letting it control you. Here are 3 more ways fear can help us transform:

  1. Fear can help us recognize our strengths. When we feel afraid, at some point we’re forced to confront our weaknesses and recognize our strengths. This confrontation can help us grow and develop new capabilities and coping mechanisms.

  2. Fear can propel us to take risks. It can push us to take risks that we would not have taken in the past. Taking risks can be a great way to gain valuable experience and push you out of your comfort zone or make room to receive something better.

  3. Fear can give us the motivation to make changes. It can motivate us to make changes that can improve our lives. If we feel the pain or the fear long enough, we won’t have any other choice but to find ways to relieve ourselves. Fear can be a powerful tool to help us take action and create positive change in that aspect.

Finally, I challenge you to take some time to reflect on the fact that the part of you that’s afraid doesn’t need fixing! I’ll say it louder for the people in the back: YOU’RE NOT BROKEN! You can let fear be part of your life and use it as an ally, a tool, to facilitate your healing and further your own evolution as a soul having a human experience. It all gets to be here and be useful to you if you let it. The other option is to be lookin’ dusty and stuck like you’ve been struck by the gaze of Medusa…





…or lookin’ like Scooby and Shaggy just before the commercial break (“Zoinks!!”). Who wants that?





So if you’re a woman of color, who’s ready to stop letting your fears control you, and you’re ready to reclaim your power, then here’s your invitation to hop on a free Clarity and Alignment Call with me and talk through how private coaching can support you in taking stock of your fear and turning it into an ally for you. By the way, taking stock is where we start inside my Empowerment Private Coaching program.




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